Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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