Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
