this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
