Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
