I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize