Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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