i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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