Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
