It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i would punch a child for taco bell
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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