the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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