You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize