Umm I'm too high to move.
Buhtt sex?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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