was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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