I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
