Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
