he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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