My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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