Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
