The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
