Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
