Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
