hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
