life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
where are my eyebrows?
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