he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
