ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
