Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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