FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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