I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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