once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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