I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Randomize
