Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
