it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just blew my weed a kiss
i've created a new STD.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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