Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
