I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
