this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
