New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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