the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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