i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
