Sry I called you an 8
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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