My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
