Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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