I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
