He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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