Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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