:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
