I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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