I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
