You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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