New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
