So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
