mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
