its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
