I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
