The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize