Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
