I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
