his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
