I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
