Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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