listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
