Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
