Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
