I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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