uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
